This.... is new. Zen sarcasm:
1. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't
2. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of your house payments.
5. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away
and you have their shoes.
6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving just wasn’t your thing.
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
9. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
10. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
11. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
12. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
14. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a
dark side, and it holds the universe together.
15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
20. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
21. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
22. Life is sexually transmitted.
22. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die